SARANG HAE. SIWONNIE OPPA.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

what'd i do

to get you so mad?

what'd i say

that's got you feeling so bad?

i never meant it

i swear it's not true

the only guy i care about

has always been you.

oh don't go away mad

come on over, let me

make you feel glad.

tic toc no it's the clock again at
8:58 AM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

have u ever felt a certain excitement in you whenever a certain someone is online and all u want to do is to say a simple "HI" to him?
and then there'll be something in u that will restrain u from doing so.
u'll feel: -
afraid that he'll think u are a psycho.
afraid that he'll think badly and lowly of u.
afraid that he won't like u.

and then when u found out he has a certain infatuation and crush on someone,
all ur life came crumbling down.
u think ur life is over.
but then u tried and tried again to believe that there'll be good news someday.
but reflecting the years ago, u remembered that u have been crushed and hurt by all the waiting and sufferings.
there's no believe in waiting for THAT certain someone.
it feels like as if u wanna give up on LOVE.
give up on him.

now, as i see him online in my MSN, i will want to talk to him.
my heart beats fast whenever i open my conversation box.
wanting to say "hey ya, wads up?"
it is yet had to happen.

i'm afraid.
really afraid.

and when u have picked up the courage to talk to him then,
he's offline.

it repeats this way everyday.
and u'll experienced it over and over again.

will there be an ending to this fairytale?
will there be happiness after all this happen?
or will she still be the way she is, not wanting to be in love and stay afraid, always?

only time will tell.
but for now, she's sure that she's in LOVE.
real LOVE.

cause: -

*Love takes time to grow. Infatuation explodes in an instant. You spring into infatuation, but you usually grow into love. [ -i was a friend, a friend to him. which soon grew into LOVE.]

*Love grows out of knowing all that you can about the other person - good or bad. Infatuation lives in a make-believe world where the other person is perfect. Infatuation is happy to know very little about someone so it can leave the rest to imagination. But true love longs to know all about someone - the good, the bad, and the ugly. [ -i know his side, the good and the bad. he loves to bitch around and have the "perfect" boobs but he never appreciate a perfect LOVE.]

*True love focuses on the other person. Infatuation is self-centered. A person in love thinks less about how he or she's going to look and feel in the relationship, and more about what he or she can do to make the other person look and feel great. [ -i never love someone because of their looks or education. i love someone because of who they are. he may not be good-looking and have a dream to become someone who will not gain lotsa money from that occupation in real life, i still support him and that i take it, as true LOVE.]

*An infatuated individual may be "in love" with two or more people at the same time. True love is focused only on one person. [ -i may have lotsa infatuations all the time. but when i have none, it will always be him that i look and search for.]

*Genuine love creates a sense of security and feelings of trust. A person who's infatuated often feels jealous because they don't trust the other person. [ -i don't get jealous when he spent time with his "girlfriends" and bitch around. instead, i love every moment they do that because they will come up with the most hilarious things u can think about.]

*Someone who's infatuated loses his or her ambition and interests in everyday things and daydreams of unrealistic ideals that won't ever really happen. A person in love works hard to better themselves for the person's benefit. [ -he will be entering a prestigious school coming soon and all i can do is work hard and achieve it like him. i did not waste my time dreaming about times we spent together and planning how it will look like.]

*A couple in love openly faces problems and tries to solve them. Infatuated people sweep problems under the rug and try to pretend they don't exist. [ -i wanted to tell him my problems about his conversation with me. all of them were about him and *ehem*. i tried. but i can't let him down and let him know that i am not his TRUE friend.]

*Love understands that giving someone space is a good thing. Infatuation imagines love to be intense closeness 24/7. [ -i wanted to give him space and time but he misunderstood it for me being a psychopath.]

*Physical attraction is a part of true love, but only plays a minor role. It's the central focus of infatuation. [ -i never care about how he look like. i care about him just being him.]

*A couple in love usually expresses physical affection later in a relationship. In infatuation, affection is expressed earlier, sometimes in the very beginning. [ -as i know him more and more, i just realise he does look good. together with his personality that shines, that is.]

*Love tends to endure. Infatuation may change suddenly and unpredictably. [ -i endure every moment we talk and chat. but it does not lasts.]

*A couple in love isn't indifferent to the timing of their wedding, but they don't feel an irresistible drive toward it. Infatuated folks can't wait to tie the knot. [ -i never thought of this woth him. all i ever thought was my wedding day. but never did i thought i wanna marry him.]

p.s. this is the confessions of a muddled heart.

it may be me or may not even have to be me.
` i shall let u be the judge. =))

Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
'Cause what you did was low

No, I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be safe

tic toc no it's the clock again at
2:27 PM

Friday, April 07, 2006

i juz went out with my "boyfriends" juz now after school.
eat lunch at Mac Donalds.
is it?
or Mc Donald?
ouh.
wadeva.
anyway,
one ate ice-cream and the other ate MY fries.
ehehe.
i would've sworn that if i had eaten my burger like way faster and showed an ugly sight while doing that, i could've stopped u from eating them.
HAHA.

we sat at the "privacy" place.
nobody can see the "kinky" things that we do.
the moments of laughter will always remain there.
and yea.
i'm kinda regret not taking that free FANtastic beef thingy.
ugh.
should have juz kebas like one of my "boyfriends" say.
HAHA!

when i ate, i had like a practice eating of burger in front of them.
but i think if they grade me, i would still fail.
i juz can't eat burgers slowly and small bite.
i will open my mouth like hippopotamus lah.
HEHE.

and yea, one of my "boyfriends" imagined me in a room on fire.
but i would not accept a non-HOT scdf guy.
i would rather be choosy and die instead of saving my life while i still can?
hmm.
u are SO WRONG.

anyway, while eating, i saw one of my "boyfriends' " friend, a tall figure and "mynah" and also "his" cousin.
if my "boyfriends" are reading this, i bet they'll laugh because i paraphrase very funnily.

after eating, they followed me to buy batteries for my discman and old chang kee's curry puffs for my brother and mother but when i reached home, she told me she had eaten it already. wadda lah.
my hardwork and my "boyfriends" as well.
TSK.

anyway, malay was fun. and legacy too.

malay
i got to work with two different girls and they're THAT amazing u know.
mumtaz and baz.
they're like so fun to work with.
it's a change of situation but i will always prefer to my two "bestman".
HAHA.
these days, i was so happy to spent a lot of time with one of my "boyfriends" cause she would always be busy with her schedule to meet her fans.
HAHA.

for legacy was really really enjoyable.
we had to discuss about playing a game on tuesday.
and then hajjar was like suggesting hide and seek, thrust fall (is it how u spell?) which i got the idea, jump off a building and see who die first wins. so FUN RIGHT? RIGHT?
'atiqah and me were like crapping and talking merepek for the whole period.
laughing to out jokes and stuff.
while fadhilah was fidgeting with my hands.
saying that it is smooth. (ooh la la, i know that)
and we were also talking about crap stuff that does not actually involve the game.
marissa was still with her ice and water which we agreed on with a water gun.
WOOHOO.
it is gonna be a wet tuesday.
and farah with her dun dirty my bag, my place and many more else.
farah. farah. farah.

i love this group.
9 people in one group could be THAT fun eh.
i'm looking forward to work together with them.

but i still can't forget the incident whereby i was the only one that suffers.
at least i still have my two "boyfriends" to be with .

YAY-ness.

ilu. ilu. ilu.

tic toc no it's the clock again at
4:24 PM