Saturday, April 23, 2005
This Jokers Tears
I am the joker,
The clown amongst the pack,
And I give off the impression,
That life is like water off my back.
I love to make friends happy,
Although I sometimes make them mad,
But my laughter hides secrets,
Of a girl who is so sad.
Inside my heart it is weeping,
I cover its pain with a life that's a lie,
And if people would take a look closer,
They would see all the truth in my eyes.
But I don't want to be a burden,
I just want to make people smile,
For if they found out the plain, honest truth,
I think they would all run a mile.
I just want to appear as the joker,
I don't want to pass on my pain,
This hurt I have lived with all of my life,
Will never be passed on again.
And forgive me if I sometimes get moody,
I try never to be so outside,
It's just that sometimes this mask I do wear,
Comes apart with the sorrow I hide.
This is truly wads within me but all of you juz cant see it as i juz want u guyz to smile and be happy!
tic toc no it's the clock again at
9:10 AM
Friday, April 22, 2005
I can't sleep at nightWhen you are on my mindBobby Womack's on the radioSaying to me"If you think you're lonely now"Wait a minuteThis is too deep (too deep)I gotta change the stationSo I turn the dialTrying to catch a breakAnd then I hear BabyfaceI only think of youAnd it's breaking my heartI'm trying to keep it togetherBut I'm falling apartAdapted from "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey..
Currently i have that song's lyrics on my friendster profile..
I knew it..
Thst we belong together..
Juz give me a chance..
Please..
Current MSN nick -
[ wida (.") ] i.know.that.we.belong.together.so.why.dun.you.juz.tink.that.way. - - - [ (".) s*d*i* ]
Urgh..
I just cant get over it..
Why?
What about HER that he likes...or LOVES (yux)
Why does he even lyk a putih melepak gerl lyk her?
A sombong one?
Vain ghurl...
Why?
I've never been scared for anything as much as this..
I'm scared of losing you..
What if u get married when i am having o-levels?
What IF that actually happen?
I will suffer and juz loose control of myself..
Lock the doors and juz start to cry..
Can u see how much pain i felt?
Juz for you..
Yet you never aprreciated it..
Why?
Urgh..
I have never thught of this before..
Sheeshness..
I am OLD ah lien...
COOL...
Spirits stuffz...
YAY!!!!
I lurve my part although i actually wanna be the young ah lien..
lolx...
I sexay mahz..
Karn deny that..
wakhakaka...
Wads the use of blogging?
I'll answer that..
Blogging is changing the media world and could, I think, foment a revolution in how journalism functions in our culture.
Blogs do two things that Web magazines like Slate and Salon simply cannot.
First off, blogs are personal. Almost all of them are imbued with the temper of their writer.
This personal touch is much more in tune with our current sensibility than were the opinionated magazines and newspapers of old. Readers increasingly doubt the authority of The Washington Post or National Review, despite their grand-sounding titles and large staffs.
They know that behind the curtain are fallible writers and editors who are no more inherently trustworthy than a lone blogger who has earned a reader's respect.
Kaes WOAHHHH....
I dun even know that information...
ladeeda...
I'm blogging for FUN..
Even if i blog, people will still read it..
So whu cares?When you left I lost a part of meIt's still so hard to believeCome back baby, pleaseCause we belong togetherWho else am I gon' lean onWhen times get roughWho's gonna talk to me on the phoneTill the sun comes upWho's gonna take your placeThere ain't nobody betterOh, baby baby, we belong together
tic toc no it's the clock again at
9:07 AM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I don't know how I'll feel Tomorrow (tomorrow)Tomorrow (tomorrow)I don't know what to say Tomorrow (tomorrow)Tomorrow is a different dayI know that tomorrow will be a different day awaiting for me...Current MSN nick : [ widdiq (.") ] I am CRYING, HURTING because of HIM..I soo HATE myself..I'm a FREAK!- [ (".) sadida ]Why why wuld i feel this way?I've never cried and been hurt like this ever before..I juz want REAL love..I juz want it to turn out the way i want it to be..Why cant it juz happen that way?Why muz it be a lot of suffering?And why muz it happen after i thught of happiness?WHY?Unanswered questions...Does god wants it to happen that way?Does he wants to repay back the bad things i have done in the past?Does he wants to make me feel sad and depressed?Does he wants me to sffer until i meet HIM?All i know is that i love HIM a lot and i juz want to be near and with HIM..Forever..I will do anything for and with him...Nobody feel the way lyk i am feeling now...I juz want to have a sense being with HIM..I never thught that is wrong..I neva want me to be wrong..Izzit to difficult to juz let me be with HIM?I never prayed or wished that he broke up with HER!I only prayed if we have jodoh, we will soon meet...That's all..I never think thats wrong..I'm scared..I'm scared one day HE'LL belong to HER..After months and years together,They'll get married..I'm scared that will ever happen..Thats is when i shattered...I am afraid that i will DIE and LIFELESS w/o HIM..I am afraid of LOSING HIM...That's all...I sound so stingy, and self-thinking..Well, i am definitely NOT!I care for other people but this only is my main priority...I focussed on it as i thught it needs more attention...Jus just now i made plans with my cuz for my meeting with HIM..Then i went to friendster,And saw he changed back to In A Relationship..I was of course hearbroken..Urgh..I will continue praying and wishing for it to happen..Me and HIM,Finally,Forever,TOGETHER...That's all i ask..That's all...End...And I wanna believe you When you tell me that it will be okay Ya, I try to believe you Not today, today, today, today, today Tomorrow it may change Tomorrow it may change Tomorrow it may change Tomorrow it may change...........
tic toc no it's the clock again at
9:29 AM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I'm going in crazy in love for you baby(I can't eat and I can't sleep)I'm going down like a stone in the seaYeah, no one can rescue me(No one can rescue me)Itz true what this song actually meantItz "Too Lost In You" from sugababes..I'm too lost in HIM cause He's lyk SOOO SINGLE ryt now...You must be wondering how my reaction wuld be after i found out that...Itz lyk AHHHH!~~ He's single...He's gawd damn f***ing single!!I pity the computer clubbers...They have to put up with my craziness cause i juz cant believe it...I prayed everyday and wished that they'll break up and itz my turn to tak chargh now..Lolx...But it came true din't it?Oh gosh...Itz soo UN-predictable...AHHHHHHH!!!!For peepx whu have friendster,Please look up on him..He's SINGLE!!But will soon belong to me!!!Hahhaha..I dun even know whether i'll meet him soon enough..I told atiqah that i will ask my cuz for a favour to bring me and saddiq together...Then she say no..Let fate brings us both together..I'll think i'll juz do that..Even though i have once said it to my cuz when she volunteered to help me and him meet together..I was disappointed actually that it dint happen how i thught it will...But this time, i will believe in it and allah swt. will help me..Insya'allah...Missed aisha..She din't come to school today..Wanna say to her get well soon cause i miss you gurl and thanks for tagging!!!I missed her crappyness when malay class..She always distract pple..I kinda enjoy it though..I have to admit it...Got back our maths paper..Hate my results to the core!!Well, wad to do ryt...Tmr got History and then Malay...Dunnoe when Mdm Surayah will give us the maths spring test..Bull *toot*On friday is then science..Sheesh...Only thurs free day..Hope for the best!!!Ooh yeah..I dun understand wad Mdm Seah was toking today..She is soo FREAKING scareeeAHHH..Break pencil summore..Tsk tsk..We are SOOO in the SUPER stream...I can fly see...Hahaha...Okielar..Gtg..Need to stardi for History and some Malay stuffz..Ciaoz!!You look into my eyesI go out of my mindI can't see anythingCos this love's got me blindI can't help myselfI can't break the spellI can't even try
tic toc no it's the clock again at
10:25 AM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Why do I feel so empty
I'm crying out for some stability
Destroy my many insecurities
I'm breaking down, somebody pray for me
Need a love like no other, not an ordinary love
Restore my joy, wisdom and courage Lord,
I need Your love
I found a new love
I found a new, found a new love
I finally found it in God
Song "Through With Love" by Destiny's Child..
It means so much but it doesn't discourage me from loving s*d*i* lar..
Yay-ness juz now watch "Guess Who" with atiqah and syazzie..
Wee~~~
Finally i stepped into a movie theatre since last october which is ages ago..
Tsk tsk..
Ashton was soo god darn chweet lar..
Lurve him loads..
Too bad he is lyk having a baby now with DEMI MOORE!!!
URGH!
Wadevar larh..
Saw trailer "Kinder Of Heaven"
COOL!!!
That makes me more wanna watch that movie...
I want to watch no matter wad happen...
*Cause got ORLY TOO!!!
Wakhakakaka...
He doesn't look old actually...
Only at the poster, their make-up too thick i tink...
Well, shuld be lar...
I karn blogged a lot..
I need to stardi and my dad will start blabbering again..
So dun complain or wadeva if i dint blogged for a long time..
I'm innocent...
Ooh yeah..
I just striked one thing from my list..
MY B.U.M. TOP!!!
I finally bought it..
I dint buy the light pink and white one...
I bought the HOT pink with stripes inside..
Itz nice..
Seriously...
Lurve my momma for buying for me..
Klar..
My mins is blank-ed now..
Taas pple~~~
tic toc no it's the clock again at
12:19 PM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Oh baby no When I looked into your eyes The moment that I let you go I just broke down (down) Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice 'Cause the feelin that I feel within no other man Would ever make me feel so right Goin' Crazy by NatalieJuz lurve the ring to it..Cause the moment i see s*d*i* eyes, i'll just broke down and i swear in order to meet him the second time, i'll sacrifice everything and i mean everything just for HIM cause i never felt this way towards any mats i see and this feeling juz never make me feel right..U culd see and i hope u will see that every time i post, there'll be lyrics..Jiwang lyrics 'DUH'!Well, nuthing exciting happened today..We had mother tongue and cikgu alena was pissed with us for not doing our hw..Sometimes i pity cikgu for being treated back that way..Sheeshness..Now i'm imagining myself becoming a teacher..So scaree..Then we had maths..We still haven get out maths paper back yet..PISSED...Tsk..Again..Problems faced by teachers is that their students are toking behind their back..Gosh..I really really pity teachers but whut can i do?They love teaching!!*applause to them for doing such a gr8t job*!!We had Lit next..YAY!!!We got all our 6 members-iqa-naz-syaz-nad-annie-me-Notice one chinese?Such racism are wida!!NahxX..Cause i lurve annie..Lurf ya!! :D :D :DWe have planned out our script but haven writ out yet..Hope we'll progress soon enuff..Argh..It suddenly occurs to me that Maths Spring Test iscoming soon..Tmr?The day after tmr?AHHHHHHHH!!!I've not been doing well for my CAs recently..Itz tym for me to BACK UP gerlfwenn...Urgh..Tink i need tution..Tutor..Tsk...I had nasi lemak for recess..More ikan bilis..YAY!!Saw HER again...Oh MAN...But lucky for me, the feeling is not as strong as before..Itz normal..Thank gawd..She's so chweet..Karn fake that..We had legacy next..They were toking on and on and on...Never stop...I was sleepy and my nose was lyk so blardy flam-able...Lalala...Dunno wad tat means..Atiqah sat bside me and she was lyk so focussing on her reflection log sia..I dun tink i'll write as focussed as her..Maybe we'll go movie on Sat..Thats juz a MAYBE...Me and iqa..But itz only MAYBE...Wanna watch Guess Who feat. Ashton Kutcher..Why ashton kutcher is having a baby with Demi Moore?She culd be his mother or sista..Prefer him with Brittany Murphy..Such sweet couple lyk in the movie 'Just Married'Which i am now searching for the disc...Urgh...ART!!Miss Della's last day..I admitted that sumtyms i DO hate her..But i dunwan Mdm Seah to take over..Never, never, never...Wadeverrrrrr wida...Went home..Bus wazn't packed at all..Me syaz and iqa went to TM to buy reika's present..But only atiqah pay lar..Reika was after all close to atiqah..I bought a PURPLE hairband and a BLACK wrist band..Lurve it..Oh yeah..I bought APPLE strudel for my mum and myself..Lurve it..Ooooh YEAH!Dad's home..Dunwan him to blabber a lot..Ciaoz~~~
tic toc no it's the clock again at
10:32 AM
Monday, April 11, 2005
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no. He wouldn't even open up the door. He never made me feel like I was special. He isn't really what I'm looking for. Well, i lied at this portion..I LOVE the way s*d*i* is from the start..He is and will be the person i'm looking for!!Fine-fine..Be serious..Serious time, Kaelar..Today we had three periods looking at the computer..Be specific like design specification...Its english actually used for enrichment until they postponed it to next term..%#$&^^*^&^$^$%&&*PISSED OFF!!!Then there's two english period..Booring...But actually we used that as entrepenuer..(wadevr)With the 'style'...Syaz juz showed me how to do it..Itz cool!!!Then history used the cd..Saw star guy in it again...Then change my point of view towards nazlyna...Can still rmbr that incident vividly..Tsk tsk..Lit was okay...We reserved our lit pple...So no one wuld be left out and lost..I pitied naz for the entrepenuer..(wadevr for the spelling tau!! )Kaelae..Currently in comp lab 1...Having comp club lesson l8er..Be prepared..Haven change yet..Layzeee lar..Wad to do kena jugak..Kaes..Wanna change to my SEXY shorts...Ciaoz...~~~~Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone. He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought no. He wouldn't even open up the door. He never made me feel like I was special. He isn't really what I'm looking for. HEY HEY HEY!!!I thught naz wuld lyk this part...
tic toc no it's the clock again at
5:51 AM
Thursday, April 07, 2005
I just wanna liveDon't really care about the things that they sayDon't really care about what happens to meI just wanna liveJust wanna live [x6]Ooh yeah bay-bee..Joel Madden so gosh DARN HOT!Kaelarh..To tell u guyz the truth, i'm blogging yesterday's entry..In conclusion I blogged twice today..Yeah..Thursday..We had no tests today as far as i can see..We had music today and i'm so gonna practise on it cause i'm musically talnted..*winks*I had to pick Chan Mali Chan cause basically Sakura can't be pick anymore..Full-house lar..Then P.E.,we learnt HOCKEY..I looked stewpid, pathetic and lost...I cant even bring the hockeyball to the other end..Sheeshness..I feel so LAME...But who cares..I juz wanna live bay-bee!!!Yeah Yeah..Then was science, we learnt about STDs..Urgh..All the pics were horrible rabak..Cant stand it..Then suddenly i say to myself,I wanna be a gynae..So basically, i have to concentrate..Maybe one day i'll get a patient lyk that..My life foundation depended on that..Recess..i ate nasi lemak!!Wakhakaka...Ikan bilis sikitlar makcik..I mean the ikan bilis so little sia..Tsk tsk..Skipped the part and straight to assembly...We has news 13...Frm dunnoe which group..Itz about civil thingy..Nobodee know about that well..So wen the laydee ask question everyone dunno wat to answer..Who can blame that ryt?Mrs Loke wasn't that happy about us..With the double-ok thingy..Paiseh-ed..I need to do duty..So lyk wad i do always,Juz bitchily wipe the table..Which is soooo not me...Then waited for nadia..It turns out she went home with her sis and dad..So the three of us went homeMe, Syaz and Atiqah...Took 10..Both of them fighting for the seat..Then i settled it..Lolx..Lyk reaL...Reach the bus interchange,Syaz's bus was lyk crowded..Then she found her friend..LUCKY gerl..If not, i oso dunnoe wat will happen..Kaelarh..Ciaoz~~
tic toc no it's the clock again at
8:45 PM
(Let me see ya'll)
1,2 step,
(I love it when ya'll)
1,2 step
(Everybody)
1,2 step,
Step gilerr sak..
Well, basically i'm doing this for the sake of naz and atiqah whu wants to read my blog so desperately..
Now i'm here to tell u abt today..
Freakinggg formal sia-la-la..
kaes..
Today was a normal day only that we din't see syaz and nad at the assembly ground..
I was lyk..
"Oh SHIT! Are they lyk late or sumthing?"
Skali i saw two familiar pple..
Tapi jumpa di mana yar?
wakhakaka..
We had DnT for first period..
Had the "test"...
He always didn't tell us there will be a test on that freakinn' day..
Urgh..Ah Teo-ah...
Tsk tsk..
We did the acrylic thingy..
I wanted to do lyk a bed or sumthing..
He say very difficult to file or sumthing larh..
Dunwan to go aginst him so juz make a plain square..
Sheesh..Darn irritating..
I juz found out sumthing..
So swiit..
Only i dun tink itz TAT SOOOO swiit..
It will only be swiit if s*d*i* is with me..
FOREVER..
TILL THE DAY I DIE,
nobodee xcept MEEE will have him..
Urgh..Hate HER for stealing HIM..
Got malay and there is lyk hw larh..
Bull-ass..
Everytime siak..
Tsk..
Maths, we sit for this Australian shit thing..
Tikam-tikam while doing the paper..
Dunwan to participate cause later have to pay..
Waste *keching* *keching* $$..
Can spend those money on more reasonable things..
Lyk my wishlist..
Today skool ended at 12.00pm..
We took bus 10 single deck...
Phew..
Lucky not full..
But sumtimes i prefer a full bus..
More SYIOKKK...
But not today..
We met Farah Syirin with her friend..
Think they went to take neoprints..
We basically eat at the Mc Donalds..
lepak2..
Actually, thats not the right word..
Wadevr..
I and naz ate Mc Flurry..
Atiqah and syaz ate Chicken Tempura Meal..
Syaz alwaez eat that..
Tak jemu ataupun mabuk ke??
No idea..
After that we decided to search for aisha's present..
We walked and then met Farah Syirin and her friend again..
They were leaving and we, were juz gonna start our rounds in TM..
Search and search..
And den we decided to buy "those"
Personal..Cant tell..No offence yeah..
Naz bought a badge..
This cute gerl..
I din't buy anithing cause saving money for the billabong cap..
When we were on our way back home, we say Nam Rizuan..
I tink thats his name..
Wadever..
You cant imagine the shock that i got..
I was lyk OH MY GOSH!!
Thats Micheal from Anak Metro?
Ewww..Wads with his hair..
Urgh..
I juz cant believe it..
Can't..
Dun ask me why..
When i reached home, i was lyk crying for him lar..
So much change..
And i dun believe thats him..
Maybe itz because i fall in love with his character and that i dun think he'll do this kind of mepek thing..
Bu he did it..
Thinking wad he'll do next..
Tattoos??
Maybe he have some oredi.
Underneath his long sleeves..
He's juz so..Undescribe-able
My msn nick..
Its related to the above
The feel that was actually there and always will..Wad actually happen to you "boy"?
I really wanna know what happened to him?
I've seen him b4 but not as TERUK as this..
WHY Nam?
If u have any information on the above, please tag my tag-board..
Urgh..
See if i care about him anymore..
Still worried about him..
F***..STOP..
FINE..
Now, i'm listening to Only One by Yellowcard..
looking at s*d*i*'s display pic..
CRYING..
Why muz i suffer so much?? Why me?
But i cried more for s*d*i* than Nam..
Doesn't it shows to u guyz that i REALLY LOVE s*d*i*??
Nobodee believes me..
Say itz juz in illusion..
Thats why i'm walking alone to reach HIM..
WTH..
I didn't want to blog at ferst..
Now i'm lyk blogging so much..
All of U guyz fault..
Fine shall stop here~~
Ciaoz..tic toc no it's the clock again at
8:54 AM
